The Diary of Li Na

By: JG Lowry

I was on the subway, on my way home, when I noticed a couple. The girl was young, maybe nineteen, her dark hair in bangs. She had high cheekbones, a cool expression and carried a large, red leather handbag. The young man was tall and supercilious. He wore glasses and one knee of his jeans was torn out. They seemed to be avoiding each other’s gaze. I thought they were married until I noticed the girl was not wearing a ring. At Fourteenth Street, the young man wanted to get off. The girl did not. They exchanged harsh words, half in English, half in Chinese. He pulled her off the train onto the platform. She wrestled herself free and tried to get back on. The door closed and caught her bag. She screamed. The train started to move and she let go of it. I jumped up and pulled the bag out of the door. You’ll have to take that to the police, a plump woman said, lowering her book. I know, I said shortly. She smiled. Just in case, she said. Instead, I took it home. I placed the bag on the kitchen table and sat down. It had three pockets on each side. I carefully investigated them. One contained the expected: lipsticks and eyeliner, tweezers and three sizes of combs; and two tiny bottles of perfume, blue, and smelling like the sea. Another had pictures: schoolgirls in white blouses and plaid skirts, their arms around one another. One was smiling, the other was not. The girl from the train, I decided. There was one of the couple. They were at a resort, a pool in the background. The young man was exuberant, laughing and waving his arm in the air. Again, the girl was almost expressionless. And finally, someone’s parents, thick bodied and gray, standing with a dog in front of a house with snow on the roof. The dog looked almost as old. I found canceled tickets to movies and plays; a page torn from a telephone directory with a number circled in red, and a color picture of Mount Everest, the shadow of an airplane on its side. In the last pocket, I discovered a red notebook with green flowers on the cover. The diary of Li Na was written in purple ink on the first page, the handwriting neat and small. Today, the first entry said, I bought the most cool shoes, purple and feeling velvety. It is absolutely sad that after six weeks I will like them no more. I must buy another pair and another! Ha says my feet are delightful. I wash them, paint them, perfume them so he can suck on my toes. It gives me such a sensation! My toes are having sex! Grandmother Ho-Cha (Wing) died last week. She was born ancient though I know that is not possible. Her greatest pleasure was chewing gum. Once I got drunk and chewed tobacco. It made me vomit for hours. I had bad breath forever! Ha said I smelled like fertilizer. I wonder what I am doing? School. Studying until my head falls off. My parents. Ha. And money! Money! Always money! And Ha is so arrogant! Our sex is always great. He is going to be my husband! If I tell him I have no excitement, he is furious! I will soon be twenty-one, the start of old age. When I am thirty-one, my body will be bloated and worn because of children, my heart a pool of regret and sadness because of my stupid life. I will accomplish nothing. No one will remember me. Maybe I could fall asleep forever? Maybe there will be a better life in my dreams? This upset me. I turned to a fresh page and wrote: Li Na, this is foolish! It is true that life is hard and, from time to time, we all feel discouraged. But you are so young! You can do so many things! Learn to swim! Learn to play the piano! Make a movie; become a scientist and cure diseases! Travel! Above all, do what you want to do! Do not please people! Nature will bring life to a close. When you look back you must know that you have tried; that you have done what is right for you. I signed my name, Gran Wilkes and enclosed my e-mail address. I closed up the purse and took it to the Lost and Found Department of the New York City Transit Authority. It was a dreary room with green walls and racks filled with umbrellas, books and cell phones. The clerk, stooped and bald, spoke in a low voice. They would keep the purse for a year. Sixty percent of items are claimed. If not, I said? He shrugged. They were auctioned off. I went home resigned to the fact that Li Na might never retrieve her purse. Life went on. I got engaged, but my fiancé, a travel agent, met someone in London and broke it off. I got a promotion at work and bought an apartment. For some reason, I got a dog but he spent most of the time under the bed, growling. I gave him to a friend who declared him to be wonderful. He just didn’t like me. On Christmas Eve, I got an e-mail from Li Na. She was amazed that I found her purse and returned it to her. And my comments in her diary had inspired her. She had left Ha. He was a brute, telling her how much he loved her while stealing the money grandmother Wing had left her. She had moved to San Francisco. A friend had gotten her a job at an internet start-up. They shared an apartment overlooking the harbor. Many mornings, she woke up to see the Golden Gate Bridge rising through fog. Her phone was always ringing. She was going out constantly and had many offers of marriage. But why? Her life is exciting! Last weekend she took a ride in a hot air balloon. The pilot said she was the most brave of his passengers. He took her to dinner. He is from South Africa. His family grows wine and lives in a mansion. She is thinking of taking a trip to visit with him. And, before she gets too old, she wants to see an elephant in the wild. In exactly one year, she will return to New York and will appear on my doorstep. I was happy for Li Na. In January, Rene returned from London. She fell into my arms and cried. She had made a mistake. Could we possibly love again? We agreed to meet in a restaurant to discuss the question. I took a cab and at a stoplight glanced out the window. I saw Li Na and Ha walking down the street. Ha now wore a silk tie and an elegant coat. Li Na had the same red handbag and now a baby hanging on her chest like a papoose. I almost called out her name. The light changed and we sped off.